Do I go blaming myself for the fall? Or do I caress my fragile self and tell it's okay. Perhaps I did neither.
Do I go blaming and cursing the world and the heaven and the universe for my ill-befallen karma? Perhaps I did.
Well - I definitely did - aplenty times. It is much easier to place the blame on the unseen, untouchable, intangible force. Let's blame God?
Nobody wants to go through tough times. There's no such thing as wanting to experience the 'hurt or pain' first before meeting happiness. No such thing as willingly accepting 'hurt and pain' as the inevitable you have to endure, each and every time before you can rise up again. No such thing as a 'good sorrow'. No such thing as a 'sorrow with a positive vibe'.
But .... there are quite a many who feels this way. Is it unfortunate? Or is it just plain dumb? Or is it that they don't know any better? What about me?
I feel - I had felt, good karma was always eluding me. Would it be too dramatic - if I use the cliche words 'I felt like I was being cursed, or in a curse' - to describe the feelings I had at that particular period of time? It engulfed me, the supposedly curse, I mean. That much suffocation I can say.
That period of time was hell. And it was a very long period of time.
I did eventually come out from the fury darkness. And will never go back again to that phase of my life. A phase where I constantly hailed the 'sorrow' as something I have to go through before calm and joy can arrive. Unwittingly, I had made it a 'good sorrow'?
Was it dumb? Well, if it was - then fortunately, I am now no longer.
image credit - marjaana pato (flickr)